I Walk Through The Valley of The Shadow of Death

Her name is Sandy.

I first began to pray for a person who had that name.  She had cancer, young children and a loving husband.  She was the sister-in-law of my friend.  It is hard to pray for a name with cancer so Sandy began to take on a life as reports trickled back.  She survived that round of cancer. This round they tell her will not have the same result.

Most of us know of stories like this.  Few of us have been this story.  All of us will one day have to address this reality. And who of us knows how we will react?  It is difficult to walk into the unknown.  Some courageous people have shared their journeys with a privileged few.  Most of us have not known such courage.  So, with Sandy's permission, we are privileged to walk in the shoes of one who is saying goodbye but also believing that her life can just as easily be extended.  To those who have ears to hear, this is rich soil.

"I feel as though I am in a cone of grace, sheltered from the grief that howls around me. My friends are in pain, my family worried,my body abandoning me. And yet, here I stay in the gentle grasp of the God of Hope.
Yesterday, I went forward for prayer, and held up my hands, open for God to fill. My prayer is for all to come under the shelter of His wing into that place of refuge, to rest in the warmth of His breast.
God is at work in power, and I am just here to watch and wonder. Share what you will."  Sandy

These are excerpts from Sandy's blog

"We think we know what is good and what is evil. We have a propensity to make judgements about the things that come into our lives; to declare whether something is good or bad. We make judgements based on whether things make us happy or sad. If it makes us happy, it must be a good thing. If it makes us sad, or causes pain, it must be a bad thing.

Two years ago, I had rectal cancer. I had surgery, and months of radiation and chemo.
And God was there in power, refining me through fire.
And I was better.
And I went back to work.
And I was so happy.

But about two months ago, I received confirmation that the cancer had returned. And this time, it is not curable.

When I started telling people that the cancer had returned, there were a lot of different responses.
But one response that I found a bit puzzling was when people said to me, “Cancer is NEVER part of God’s plan!”

Really?
Well, it certainly wasn’t my plan.
But, I’m not the one writing the book.

Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.”

He is the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of my FAITH
* Notice that it says FAITH not LIFE – this tells me that my faith is more valuable to God than my life is.

So, maybe God will write some really hard things into my life to perfect my faith, or to “finish” my faith, as the King James version says.  So, I don’t want to say that cancer is a bad thing in my life; that it’s evil if God’s big plan is to use cancer to perfect my faith.

And not just my faith.

My little baby girl is seven years old; her brother is ten. MY plan is to be a mother to my children, and to raise them as best as I can: to help my daughter choose a wedding gown; to watch my son deliver the valedictory address at his graduation. MY plan is to grow old with my husband.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

But God is writing a really big story, and I am not the main character. HE is the main character of my story. And He has already designed my story to perfect my faith. It’s not just my faith that’s being finished here. The little collection of short stories that makes up my life is connected to the stories that make up Laurie’s life, and her collection is connected to Lynay, and Lynay’s are connected to Tammie’s, and so on.

The story God is writing is HUGE.

A couple of weeks ago, my surgeon said to me, “You must feel as though you’ve landed in the deep water without a life preserver. I wish I could throw you a life preserver, but I don’t know which one to throw.”
They can’t get to the bottom of this cancer. It’s a tricky one, and they don’t know how to treat it yet.

So I went home, and thought about what he had said; and a few days later I wrote him a note. I said: I already have a life preserver. His name is Jesus, and no matter how deep the water gets, or how rough the waves, I know that He will encircle me with His arms, and keep me safe. He holds my life and keeps me from sinking. I told him that my children are praying for God to dissolve the cancer and make me whole. I let them pray like that, and I told him that whether God heals me or not, my life is in His hands and I trust Him.

My surgeon’s faith is part of the story, too. And God’s plans will prevail."